Adults Moving Back Home in 2020

Popular culture is full of stigmas about grown adults who have to move back home. It’s in movies and books all over the world, talking about how some adults move back home with mom and dad.

Whether you’re home because of coronavirus, money, or any number of reasons, those are your reasons and no justification is required. There shouldn’t be a shaming of adults who return home. There are some cultures where children don’t move out at all. They merely make the house bigger and start paying the bills when they join the workforce. There’s just a lot of adjustment that has to take place and here is how it should go.

As an adult, whether you’re home for the summer from college, home temporarily while you’re looking for new digs or home because you’re between jobs, an agreement must be made. Assuming you’re a reasonable adult, you realize that you have to contribute to the household. Don’t have a job yet? Take over some of the chores. Have a job? Pitch in with the rent or utilities on top of those chores.

It may be tough for parents to see that you’re an adult now. Equally so for parents to realize their child that they’ve spent basically 2 decades raising is no longer under their control. There has to be an adjustment. Things cannot go back to how things used to be or else parent and child will destroy their relationship.

Parents need to realize they can’t set a curfew for their graduate school age children, some of whom may have children of their own. They need to see that their child has returned home but has a mind of their own. Imposing your thoughts and rules will only result in fights and resentment. Treat these young or full adults with some respect and dignity, rather than command and an assumption of obedience. After all, they may have been living on their own for some time, with schedules and expectations of their own lives that do not gel with yours. Just like you prefer to do things a certain way, they might too. There is no wrong way to do things, unless they’re destroying property or committing crimes.

Similarly, those returning home need to realize that by a certain age, people get set in their ways. They’re used to doing things a certain way and it’s mentally difficult to form new thought patterns, especially associated with loved ones they’ve raised for decades. Give it a little time and some patience but also treat it like a job in that you come to the table with ideas of your own on how to support the running of the household and make an agreement. Do not just sit back and expect to be catered to like before. Similarly, do not bow and take a scolded like a preschooler for rules you feel are written for children. Speak up in a respectful manner that conveys how unfair you find these rules.

It’s really better for both parent and child that a child is never catered to completely to the point that their child is a rotten egg. That’s the ideal but as many teachers will tell you, sometimes, spoiling children runs across multiple generations into creating spoiled adults.

So to avoid resentment, communication is really key. Outlining how the contributions to the household are managed in stated explicit terms rather than vague assumptions is a must. Treat it like a contract if you’d prefer but both parties must have an agreed upon specific and understood guideline similar to how a business would. All families will fight but fights over money destroy families so make sure everything is crystal clear. Compromise is important. You can only get that if you have respect first.

Some key ideas for compromise. Lets say you’re a musician or game with parents who sleep early? Put on some headphones. Lets say your college age child is working on a graduate thesis? Leave them alone during designated times of study, even if you feel like asking if they happen to be hungry. What about living with siblings again? Despite how annoying siblings can be, realize that they need space too.

Boundaries must be clearly stated, respected and understood. Have a family member who has a food allergy to a food you’ve discovered you love? Find an alternative otherwise you risk hurting your family. It’s about being considerate of others. Being mindful costs you nothing and can gain you considerable latitude or respect.

If tragedy has struck, all the more reason to communicate. Talk about the fears, the expectations, and the great times. Revive family traditions now that the family is together again. Do things together to support each other but also give each other space. Tackle chores together, discover new activities or hobbies together. Share in the skills or experiences that you’ve learned since you’re been apart.

Sometimes, space can be a luxury some families can’t afford. Lets say you literally can’t go to another room. This would be an admittedly tough situation for anyone but confided spaces turn that up to 11. Remember those headphones I mentioned? Those will come in handy. Hope you’ve got a spare pair to lend out to a sibling. At least, one of the advantages of living in the age of the internet is having the world at your fingertips. Some how, someway, you can reach out to someone or do something else completely different even while sitting right next to someone who annoys the hell out of you.

Keep onto the thought that living at home is temporary. It will not last forever, though some hard choices may have to be made. Remaining positive and looking to the future will provide a source of stress relief-or at the very least a good day dream. Forgiving the past and finding a new normal should be one of the primary goals. You have one family, love them or hate them.

Just like with many other aspects of life, families take work. Only this time, instead of just the parents putting in the work, that burden is shared with those whom have returned home. Hopefully everyone will find a way to mesh in these troubled times. After all, you’re one household under one roof. You’re literally all in it together.

Love, Hope, Respect.

Sincerely,

The PNH

Jaded Firsts- Romantically

There’s something about getting older that can make someone jaded. Spiritually, ethically, or especially romantically. For our first part of the Jaded series, we’re talking about romance and how even as you get older, having first experiences together can still be amazing and fabulous. Firsts can and will test a new relationship and often tell you a lot about the future.

So let’s say you’re in your 30’s. Not still a kid in high school and you’ve got some miles on your bones. You’ve probably got a steady job with hopefully some decent benefits, you pay your own bills, and you know how to dress. You’re basically an adult, even if adulting is hard.

That doesn’t mean that when you meet someone new, that it’s not exciting. It will always be exciting to meet new people and I hope this never changes for you or me. There’s something grand about discovering a new person and seeing if you fit into each others lives. Make no mistake though, forming a new friendship or something more is a two-way street.

Trouble is, what are your firsts? By this time in your life, you’ve hopefully done a fair amount of living. Romantically, you might wonder what else is on the frontier of relationships and fear being jaded. For both men and women, we might wonder what new experiences we’ll have with this person.

Being in your 30’s means you’ve accumulated some knowledge about life and with that comes preferences for Hobbies. If you and your new boo both like the same hobbies, your next obvious step is to do those hobbies together. Whether that’s snowboarding, climbing, hiking, traveling or eating, arts, photography if that’s your style. If the other hasn’t had that experience yet, even better!

Okay, so you’ve been Celebrating holidays for years right? You’ve probably gotten to go to a few Holiday parties, maybe even hosted a few. If cooking is a shared hobby then great, but if not, getting invited to a party is the next best thing. By now you’ve probably got friends who have kids so here’s a good time to experience Kids together. It’s all about compatibility if you’re going through this particular first. Do you make a good team, how is the other person around kids. Do they even want tiny little humans? Fur babies also apply here.

What about going to and from places? No I don’t mean getting on a bus or train together, though that applies to our list of new experiences to have together too. I mean Traveling, out of state, maybe out of the comfort zone. Putting you and your significant other under some traveling strain can either bond or destroy you. This first is generally considered a strong indicator of if you guys will make it in the long run. Does this person hog the covers, who takes longer in the bathroom, what sense of direction do they have(if any)?

The other generally accepted first that tests compatibility in romance is Intimacy. Life is too short and too busy to waste time on people who aren’t the right fit, literally or figuratively. Central to this idea is Communication, where each see’s if the other listens, if they can be taught the love languages of the other person. More than just physical, emotional intimacy is a key factor and is a cornerstone first of any relationship. Figuring out and acting on those love languages will often determine if a relationship lasts.

Dovetailing from communication is a specific first. Here we’re talking about Fights, which can be a real doozy. There’s an author out there with a book that talks about fighting in relationships and how you should WANT to fight with someone. That is to say, if you’d rather not fight with someone, you’ve already given up on part of that relationship. Specifically, the right kind of fighting shows that you care about fixing the relationship. The right kind here means that you have the will to work through your issues and address the underlying causes of any insecurities, inequalities, or injustices. Perceived or otherwise, slights in a relationship can fester like an open wound that will never heal so talking about things goes back to that first about communication.

Embarrassing firsts is also part of communication. Did you forget to tell your significant other that this was NOT a Costumed Halloween party and they showed up dressed as Tweety Bird? How your Sweet Tweety reacts can either be great fun or a shaming memory. Hopefully, it will be a fun one, presuming you’re with the right group of friends. Other embarrassing firsts could be first farts, first ketchup stain, first accidental scares and first morning after.

A short list to have some firsts, without getting arrested for indecent exposure, include the following: Kissing in Cars-especially cars new to other person, Furniture or other kinds of shopping (groceries don’t count), Planes-after you’ve wiped the screen and tray tables, Graduations-graduate school perhaps or if the other person has kids?

Other more fun ones include Food Fights, Ice Skating, Kissing in the Rain, Snuggling under Blankets, Comfortable Silences, Museum Walks, Brunch, Airport Hugs, Recovering from Illness, Disco Nights, Comic-Con, Drink and Draws, No Pants Subway Rides, Bike Marathons, Spartan-esque Races, and Eating Contests.

The bottom line is that firsts can be exciting as well as useful rather than jaded and painful. They will tell you a lot about how people react as well as what to expect for next time, if there is a next time. Building a strong list of positive first experiences cements the bond between two people, romantic or otherwise. It creates memories that can be drawn on in the future as questions arise and steps are taken. They can be funny reminders of the past to tell as stories for future friends and family. Unless you mean Santa-Con, then NO, that first you can skip.

Sincerely,

The PNH

In Defense of Obi-Wan Kenobi- A TV Show

A Soon to be Old Ben Story- Spoilers Ahead.

Say what you will about the current Trilogy of Star Wars movies. Love’em or hate’em, the opinion on those movies has divided an entire generation of new film goers and fans. So it is with some hope that we see the development of an Obi-Wan TV show. Much like recent Animated series and Mandalorian successes, the TV format seems to suite the Star Wars universe much more.

To that end, we turn out eyes to the Obi-Wan TV series that is coming up. We give it much hope, much hype and perhaps too much pressure. It’s plain to see that writers are feeling the pressure to make the series a success after the recent releases of the films. Now, that is not to say that the new films were flops, not at all. They made a ton of money in theaters but did they make fans happy? No, not quite.

In contrast, the overwhelming success of The Mandalorian and the love shown to the Clone Wars and Rebels series illustrates to fans that with more time to really make the Star Wars universe shine, fans should expect to see the creation of some of the most memorable moments in Star Wars History. We may see Darth Vader, we may see exotic worlds or new creatures.

Throughout the animated series, and much of the original and prequel trilogies, we see Obi-Wan Kenobi in his element. The eloquent sarcasm a perfect example of the verbal sparring befitting the Form III defensive master, able to parry an insult at a moments notice. While his relationship with Anakin Skywalker was far from perfect and indeed there is much to be desired from it, we also see the love they feel for each other. They were truly family, as both were taught by Qui-Gon, no matter how briefly for the younger Jedi.

For fans the hope is that we see, with live actors this time, what becomes of Obi-Wan Kenobi in the interim years between Episode III and Episode IV. Many will no doubt like to see how he mourns his losses-perhaps exhibiting those rarely seen emotions. We have seen him angry, betrayed, exasperated, desperate, and struggling. The Animated series has helped us see him show pride, amusement, determination in equal measures as well. Perhaps we will even see, in this time period, the Obi-Wan who protects Luke from the echoing shadows. Always, we’ve seen in-his-prime Obi-Wan or sand ravaged Old-Ben.

We, the furious fans, want to see the in-between. How one of Star Wars greatest heroes battles the elements of Tatooine -living or otherwise, to become tired Old-Ben. Luke would only know him as Ben Kenobi, while others still would forget him entirely with the wave of a hand. Already talented with animals, the Jedi Master might even show us more of how he masters his environment, just like every other circumstance he encounters.

So, much like Obi-Wan the character, we hope Kenobi the TV show will quietly master the troubles coming its way. From writing issues, to production problems and fan pressure, the best parts of the Star Wars Universe should rise to the top and signify to fans that the TV show is yet another excellent addition to the franchise. To say that Obi-Wan Kenobi is the perfect Jedi or the perfect character would be a gross exaggeration of what it means to be human and so we’ll see him make mistakes, just like we all do. We’ve seen him make mistakes and show his human side before; this is what will draw the fans to the series.

Perfect Jedi are a myth, just like perfect shows are a myth. Give a show enough space to explore though and maybe we’ll get close to a perfect show. A riveting space opera. Not exactly perfect because perfect would be boring and expected but instead show us the trials; show us the errors and make us cheer for them. That is how the show will make it’s mark. With a dash of sarcasm, a flash of superior wit, and the occasional dance of a lightsaber, this fan hopes that Kenobi will be a smashing success and you should too.

Sincerely,

The PNH

The Unwritten Rules of New York City- A Guide.

Things that only long time or native New Yorkers will know. Here are a few secrets to get you started. The city that never sleeps is full of people and with that, comes a lot of small details that must be followed or else you get the stink eye from everyone. As a visitor from out of town, you might be tempted to get an early start on the day as seen through the lens of the below scenario.

Easily the best place to start on these rules is with the weekday commute, where very few people ever drive into the city. It’s called “The City”, not “Manhattan”, “NYC”, or anything else. As a visitor wishing to make the most of your day, the fastest way to get run over is to be in the way of a group of office workers exiting a train going to and from work. Do not be the reason these people are late getting anywhere. It does not matter who you are, what you do, or where you are from; you will get shoved into a corner as everyone rushes by you. The MTA Subway of New York City is, maybe, one of the greatest modern equalizers of socioeconomic status.

It is also almost never on time in the mornings.

Before you even attempt to get on the train, Observe People. See how the Metrocard system works. Need a Metrocard? Watch how others are doing it. Fellow commuters will immediately know you’re from out of town if you get stuck at a Metrocard vending machine or a turn-style. True New Yorkers will be able to navigate these two things while hungry, sleep-deprived, and hung over. They will also do a quick Scan and Sniff anytime they get onto the train, in case a bum, pigeon, or crazy person is in that train car. Empty train cars during rush hours are a huge hint that something is wrong in that train car.

Getting on the train means putting your backpack between your legs, not wearing it in front or behind you. Wearing it behind you means you’ll spin like a revolving door because people will see the backpack and purposely elbow, shoulder or otherwise hip check you out of the way. Additionally, hands do not touch each other on the pole, tall people hold upper rungs, and do not elbow anybody in the face. Everyone is frustrated with NYC MTA, everyone.

Once you’ve made it to your destination, don’t stand in the center of a busy street and gawk at the buildings. This has the dual effect of again, getting you shoved into a corner or even worse, made a target of scammers and thieves. If you want to look around, take a photo, research restaurants or anything else that requires you to be stationary, the best thing I can tell you is to Stand Off to the Side. This is not the time to ask a passing pedestrian for directions. Wait on the side, Follow the Flow of other commuters, often feeling like a salmon swimming upstream and you’ll be fine. Do not walk slowly, ever.

The best place to ask for directions? Google maps. Do not play 20 questions with the barista at the coffee shop with a dozen angry people behind you waiting in line. Do not ask the corner cart guy unless he’s completely devoid of all patrons-and even then, be weary of why he’s got no customers during morning rush hour while the cart across the street has a line 10 people deep.

Learn the Slang. In the wintertime, understand that the statements, “It be mad brick out here”, “why does the wind hurt my face”, and “this scarf is giving me life” ALL express the idea that it’s really cold out here. Similarly, if two New Yorkers bump into each other the entire conversation can go like the below description.

” Yo, You good?” phrased as a question followed by the reply “Yeah you good?” and a inquiring look after which the first person would nod and/or wave off the help and reply “Yeah, you good” with a nod and the two would go their separate ways.

In this specific case, “You good” simultaneously asks a question, states an apology, and then accepts the apology…or could mean any of the other half a dozen meanings. In NYC, You Good is 10% statement, 90% body language.

If ordering breakfast, decide what to eat while on line. Do not strap your face to a phone, have a full blown argument with a friend or otherwise inconvenience anyone else in the store with your presence. Having a Friendly Smile and Respecting other Peoples Time, are really two of the best things a traveler to New York can bring with them. If you and another stranger happen to both witness something weird or interesting, it’s okay to bond over the moment before hustling off to your next appointment.

On the subject of eating and food in general, you’re probably here on vacation so enjoy yourself. Skip the Chain Restaurants all together and go on google or yelp. Soon, google will likely take over our lives but for now, there are a plethora of apps to find the best food in NYC. NYC pizza is called a “regular” slice, calling it a “cheese” slice means they’ll add extra cheese. If you’re from Chicago, I suggest you not argue that your pizza is better than ours. Just don’t.

Same thing with repping Massachusetts/Boston sports teams, you know who you are.

A good safety tip is that no matter how picturesque Central Park looks in the movies, don’t buy anything or be there after dark unless you want to get ripped off. There are perfectly good well intention-ed street vendors in Central Park that will happily up charge you 5 dollars for a 1 dollar bottle of water because they know you won’t leave the park just for water.

Another safety tip? Research the events you’re headed to and their respective neighborhoods. For example, there are many movies and TV shows filmed in New York City but it does not mean you should go into several very Dangerous Neighborhoods to visit those famous steps from that famous comic book movie about a sad clown because then you’ll be the sad clown because you got mugged for your tourist money.

The phrase, “Time is Money” is very appropriate for New York City because the Pace of NYC is brisk, to say the least. Most people by and large, are good people who just don’t have time for any of your touristy BS. They will help you in a pinch and be gone before you’ve even finished saying thanks. They will ignore the person running down the street wearing a werewolf mask in the middle of July but absolutely defend an entire train car full of people from a racist red-hat pigeon.

If you must hail a cab, walk into the street to do it. Use a parked car as a guide for how far to go. Go too far and another car or cyclist will not even blink before honking and/or screaming profanity at you. Argue with a Cabbie at your own risk but sometimes, if you do know a faster way to get there than they do, Speak Up. This city is not for the timid and in fact, may save you from getting scammed on that cab ride.

Speaking of scammed. Going into a corner store, bodega, deli or other small neighborhood store almost certainly requires Cash. Of course you can use a card or go to a nearby ATM but I wouldn’t want to risk getting spotted taking out money or giving my card to a guy I don’t trust. If you need an ATM, go to a real bank, not a random ATM. It could have any mixture of germs, bugs, food, bodily fluids or smell. It’s just not how I roll and I’m from here. Cash is still king in NYC.

Lastly, expect everything to cost more because of Location. Don’t let it shock you, especially if you’re near attractions. Venturing out of the City and into the other boroughs can be a fun day trip out to see things other than the big city. Do your research and you could end up at a fun Brooklyn flea market, a concert in Long Island, or an authentic food experience in Queens. In a city where the train literally never stops running (usually), enjoy your time here, I dare you.

Sincerely,

The PNH

Combating GAS- Gear Acquisition Syndrome

Near as I can tell, a lot of us like to collect things. Lightsabers, Pins, Jerseys, Figurines, Model Kits, Guitars, Cameras, Snowboards, Make Up, Shoes, Bags, Jackets. Everybody, regardless of gender, likes some variety in their lives. Yet where do we draw the line? Where does variety become a justification for addictive behavior?

Personally, it has been a struggle. I’ve deleted promotional emails, unsubscribed to entire genre’s of shopping, brands, clubs, memberships. You name it, I’ve unsubscribed to it (mostly). Yet invariably, modern shopping, promo codes, holiday shopping, and anything else that requires giving a gift or needing something will pull you back into the shopping.

Of course, the rationale might be that you’re trying to save money, that this thing is on promo and it’s heavily discounted and you’ll regret not buying it right away. This is all good and true but we then ignore the part about where we’re spending, where we’re increasing debt and reducing savings. That part is sometimes ignored in favor of the rush when we receive a new shiny thing in the mail. Some of us see the mail guy more than we see our family and isn’t that a kick in the pants?

Here’s what I’ve tried.

Unsubscibing only works if it stays that way so if you must subscribe to get that promo code, do it, then unsubscribe if there isn’t a code sent or you’ve made your purchase. This will work only so long as you stop shopping at new places. It’s more cut throat but it’s either this or you get a new tempting email every week for something new to buy.

Which leads me to my next idea, avoid shopping at new places. Stick to what brands you know and trust. If you must go to the mall, or a department store, go with a Shopping List, just like you would at the grocery store. Get only what you need. Do not go into the store with the big red bullseye.

It’s easier to save money at the grocery store, mostly because you might realize that even if you buy all this food on discount, whose going to help you eat it all? Even with a family, over buying means food will expire and you’ll lose money. Not so with shopping, with things that don’t expire like Camera’s and Snowboards.

Get an app that watches your spending, if you want to trust a computer with your money-oh we do that already don’t we? We have online banking after all. There are entire industries built around saving the change from your shopping, or tabulating how much you’ve spent on Grubhub in a month.

I’ve found that Rereading Reviews of the items that I already own to be a semi-successful method. Here I am, on the hunt for that newest piece of gear so I can be even incrementally better than I was before but if I look back on what I already have, I succeed in NOT buying new gear and continue to grow my appreciation for my current gear.

Still, part of buying that new thing is that you can brag about having that new thing right? What about instead of just looking for the newest piece of gear to give you that edge, that you Focus on getting better with the gear you already possess? There are gains to be made from the stuff you already own, if only you would try hard enough to see it.

If the thought is that buying this new thing will make you incrementally better, scrap this idea. Just toss it out- get rid of it. The only thing that will make you better is you. The time spent researching new gear is better spent Practicing with your current gear.

Dovetailing into the fashion scene for a moment, which certainly has it own justifications for a slew of accessories in every shade of the rainbow, it still remains that knowing yourself is the best way to go about shopping as a whole. Know that you look terrible wearing certain colors? What about that Jacket that looks great but makes you itchy. Don’t buy into what the trends will tell you. Ignoring Trends is a way to save, as trends come and go but classics are forever.

In the end, having the fastest car, newest threads or the best camera won’t matter if you don’t have the skills and confidence to use them to their full potential. Only buy new gear when you’ve outgrown the current gear you have. I bet many of us will never get close to breaking through the potential of our gear and if we do, we’ll realize by then that we, ourselves, are the real deal to be had, not the gear we buy.

Sincerely,

The PNH

How To Save Money While On Vacation

We’re out to enjoy ourselves, not break the bank. It’s about priorities.

In general, saving money is about knowing yourself and what you’re comfortable with, and then pushing just a little beyond that line. 


How you may ask? You pick and choose. 

Research carefully. There are a ton of apps in the digital world that will help you track flight prices and pricing trends. Memberships through credit cards or travel sites that will clue you in on the best times to snap up that great deal. Deal hunters with the travel bug will know Google but other lesser known apps like Hopper, Skyscanner and Kayak are also good.

Many destinations will have an Offseason, where there is a dip in the tourist traffic, usually just after a holiday season or when the weather is decent but not perfect. Take New York for example, where the winter has been fairly mild this season. Or if you’re willing to brave a day of rain for 4 days of sun; Florida, Tokyo or any other number of nice places are great. 

Skip the booze, share an appetizer and leave for dessert- Some of the best advice I ever read is that if you want to be able to afford expensive restaurants is ” Skip the booze, share an appetizer and go elsewhere for dessert”. Unless the place is known for something specific, focus on only a shared appetizer and main course. I’m not much of a drinker myself so skipping the booze is easy for me. I can always grab a beer and go back to my hotel room. If you go to a restaurant and they have a culture of tipping your server for their hard work, make sure you do leave a tip. This is non-negotiable. 


Alternatively, you can Meal Prep. If you went the Airbnb route, you can definitely go grocery shopping for some quick food to make at the kitchen of your rental. Still, if you don’t wish to cook when you’re on vacation and really, who does, you can also get food to go from a restaurant and save yourself that 18-20% gratuity. 


Airbnb is, of course, one way to save money, though it has it’s drawbacks as well. If you know an area well, by all means, Airbnb but sometimes, a hotel will have knowledge and security that an Airbnb can’t provide. Still, it’s a thriving industry for many reasons and savings is one of them. Privacy, however, is a toss up between blissful silence and screaming baby. I do not recommend hostels personally, I have security preferences. Airbnb may also be restricted or illegal in your vacationing city, so look it up folks!

 
Support Small Businesses is one way to save money, like some places, especially in Asia, will not charge tax for cash transactions. Some of the items they sell may be hand made and include special touches that an otherwise mass made item might not. This brings up the value of what you’re getting and is, therefore, more worth your hard-earned money. Bonus if the culture is one where haggling for an item is part of the buying process. 


Being on vacation means that you want to have great experiences and yes, some of those do cost money but not all of them do. Many cities will have city passes or bundles that include a whole series of museums, events, tours and other things to enjoy as a bundle. If that doesn’t suit your fancy, you can always search for Free Events in the city or town you’re visiting. They may be less well known or publicized but equally enjoyable. 


Transportation in some cities can be very accessible and affordable. There are the aforementioned city passes that cover a week’s worth of travel. Of course, there is Walking, the age-old method from the dawn of time. There are also people who, rather than taking taxi’s will travel around with a folding bike in their suitcase. I am not speaking about renting a bike while on vacation, though you can surely do that as well. Yet, without knowledge of the places you’re going to be biking and any associated costs and fees, the savings may not be worth the headache of renting bikes. 


Get Dual Purpose Souvenirs– This is another one of those tips that is about adding value while saving money. Everywhere you go, there will be cute tchotchke or rather, purely decorative figurines. Skip those in favor of souvenirs like shirts, hoodies, mugs and other items that will serve a dual function down the road that saves you money later. Need a new coffee mug after the last one broke? Hey, you’ve already got one ready to go from your trip. It’ll be memorable and serve a purpose. 


Have a Budget and stick to it, which is obvious but difficult for some people. Be as picky as possible. If you’ve only budgeted so much for gifts, stick to it. It forces you to be selective about who you give gifts to and makes you think creatively about what is the best gift for those people. If the local cuisine happens to be seafood and you’re not a fan, then go eat somewhere else. Maybe try it once and if you don’t love it, you know you can spend your money elsewhere. Never try something just because you can then tell your friends or your social media that you’ve tried it knowing you’ll already regret it. 


In all cases, it’s about Priorities. Do you want to have an expensive dinner? By all means, do so, but you can balance that by having a cheaper breakfast and dinner. Want to have a great experience like sky diving, hot air balloon riding or something else that may cost a little more? Sure you can, just Balance that by going to a free museum or event the day before or after. 

Sincerely,

The PNH

Five Ways Traveling to Japan Will Surprise and Delight

As an American, I can only speak to American habits and ideas generally. Yet as a traveler, there are things we’ve all experienced that will open our eyes and make us rethink how things are done back home. Here are a few about Japan that are genuinely delightful and that I wish were imported more to the States. No country is perfect by any means but we can all stand to learn from one another. This list is by no means exhaustive and is taken from my own experience.

1. Mindfulness

The Japanese philosophy of Mindfulness talks about awareness and respect. Whenever train doors open, you’ll find a row of neatly lined up people waiting to get on the train. After which, you’ll near blissful silence. There isn’t a person yammering into a cellphone or someone listening to music so loudly you can hear it from 5 feet away. Backpacks and briefcases are stored out of the way or on upper shelving units and the isles are clear. There is a presence of order and formality to their public transportation. The train is rarely ever late.

2. Sanitation

Except for where vending machines are located, there aren’t any public garbage cans and yet, there is also no trash all over the streets. There are a number of reasons for this, including the fact that people do not walk and eat. They will stay off to the side, eat while stationary and then pack everything away to dispose of at home. Some of this is for safety too, no public garbage cans means no one can leave a suspicious package waiting to give you a heart attack.

3. Crime

Japan is startlingly safe for solo travel. Walking down an empty street at night, you’ll notice places are well lit and no one bothers you. I’ve heard stories of people leaving cars unlocked, bikes in front of stores, wallets at counters and not worrying that it will be gone when they return. It doesn’t mean you can wander into any old place and have a good time though, there are still rules to be followed. You’ll also want to settle up any bar tabs you have and no arguing with any well dressed men who have tattoos…

4. Earthquakes

This country experiences nearly 1000 small earthquakes a year, or so I hear. What this means is that they’ve been building their structures to endure this sort of ground shaking phenomenon for ages. Children are taught earthquake survival from a young age and adults regularly prepare a “Go Bag” near their work desk or places of business should anything like this happen during the day. Many major hotels or event spaces also stock spare supplies in case such an event occurs and people need to shelter in place. They are likely the leading country on earthquake construction and safety techniques.

5. Warm Seats

By this, I mean the toilet seat. One of the things I miss, especially during a freezing east coast winter, is a warm toilet seat. Cold butt in the mornings do not exist in most Japanese households and hotels. It just doesn’t happen. Granted their houses aren’t the best for insulation but when you’ve got to drop trow, the warmth is heavenly. The shock of a cold seat upon returning to the United States is indeed, chilling.

Bonus TIP.

Travelers to Japan will appreciate not having to pay a restaurant server or any server really, a tip or gratuity as part of good service. Remember that mindfulness thing? Providing good service is part of that too. It means even if you try and provide a tip for good services rendered, they will refuse. One older taxi driver flat out didn’t understand the concept of extra monetary gratuity for a job well done.

Get it? Bonus Tip?

Sincerely,

The PNH

The 5 styles of Watch Every Modern Man Should Have

Some guys have 1 watch, some guys have 15 or 20. However many you have, these are the 5 essentials.

The world today can tell you the time a dozen different ways in the blink of an eye. Sweep your eye across any room and everything from a wall clock to a cell phone to a television will accurately tell you the time. Wearing a watch is therefore a choice, one in which many people choose every day, at any price range.

A watch is a non-verbal expression of style and success, the perfect union between beautiful form and utilitarian function. The modern man who lives a varied life needs at least one watch, though some will argue that more are required. Hopefully it’s water resistant enough to survive a run through a pool or the washing machine. Whatever your taste may be, there is a watch in every style at nearly every price range to satisfy the discerning consumer.

1. Silver Beater

This is your day to day watch. You wear it everywhere and you beat the hell out of it without shame or embarrassment. All metal band and casing with plenty of options to boot, a scratch on this watch is a mark of honor. The watch industry makes a ton of them with different face colors, band style and date function. Pairing it with a sweater or a polo shirt is just as easy as picking out your underwear- just go with dial colors you like. Never pick a watch face over 45 millimeters; you are not trying to signal a plane or hail a cab. Chronograph options are also available and this watch will likely be on the less expensive end of the spectrum.

Iconic style choices: Ashton Kutcher, Hamilton Khaki Field King. Leonard DiCaprio, Tag heuer Carrera. 

When to wear: To work, to vacation, to visit grandma.

2. Dress Watch

To be worn with a suit at a special occasion such as a friend’s wedding or someone’s movie premiere. Strictly less than 40 millimeters in face diameter and always with a leather strap in the color of your choice but usually to accent your shoes. This watch is classy with no extra dials or other embellishments.  A date feature is acceptable but diamonds are rarely a good option on a watch. The dial and general design alone should be the center of attention. Your goal is to have the watch seamlessly match your outfit since you’ll be in these pictures forever.

Iconic figures: Jon Hamm, Omega Vintage Seamaster Deville. Will Smith, Hamilton Ventura.

When to Wear: Weddings, funerals, promotions, first dates, prom, and legal hearings.

3. Work It Out

This is a training watch with a synthetic or rubber band and closure. It will do all manner of scientific measurements as you jog, swim or any other type of hard breathing exercise. Likely smaller in diameter than your day to day watch and with a digital read out, this will help you calculate your body’s work out down to the millisecond. Other features include a stop watch, lap timer, date, time, alarm, GPS, and heart rate monitor. More than likely, this is going to be the cheapest of any watch to get. This does not in any way include smart watches that are paired with your phone, most of those are not usually very rugged.

Iconic figures: President Barack Obama, Highgear Enduro Compass. Nicholas Cage, Ventura V-Tec  W25-R1.

When to wear: When you get sweaty outside the house, rarely with any formal or social attire.

4. Divers

While not indestructible, a diving watch is designed to withstand a ton of pressure, just like the men who wear them. Features on such a watch should include a screw down crown, a double safety clasp, water-resistant to 200 meters, and a unidirectional turning bezel for marking dive times. Many divers’ watches are ISO 6425 certified, but that is up for debate since not all watch brands choose to undergo this optional testing. This test by the International Organization of Standardization for watches approves these watches to be beyond merely water resistant and certifies that they can handle the pressure of diving at least 100 meters or more. 

If that were not enough additional features found on dive watches include helium release valve, underwater illumination, various sizing, sapphire crystal glass, and the date. They run the range of size from 40 millimeters and higher but bigger than 50 mm is going to cause problems for the center of gravity on your arm. Some of these watches will have rubber straps while others are a more traditional stainless steel. Given the feature set, expect to spend more than you would normally.

Iconic Figures: President Barack Obama, Tag-Heuer Series 1500. Daniel Craig, Omega Seamaster Planet Ocean.

When to wear: When you plan on boldly going where no man has ever gone before-underwater.

 5. Luxury

The legacy watch, worn on momentous occasions that you will immortalize in your memory. Expensive, possibly passed down from generation to generation. A watch of this caliber is meant to convey importance and great success. The meaning of luxury notwithstanding, this watch should be of a noticeable quality and origin that will last several decades if not longer. Not only does your watch command attention but it should also add to your persona, not outshine you. It does no one any good to wear huge bling at a special occasion; you wear this watch for you and only you.

Iconic Figures: Steve McQueen, Rolex Submariner. John F. Kennedy, Rolex President.

When to wear: Wedding Days, Birth of Children and Grand Children, Ending a War.

Bonus. The Lucky One

Sometimes there comes a long a Watch that you love. It could be something you found, something you inherited, or was a gift. For whatever reason, whenever you wear it, it brings you great luck and good fortune. This watch can be weird, it can have a great back story or better yet, have sentimental value. It breaks the standard conventions of Watch wearing and yet you can’t stop yourself from remembering all of the great things this one Watch has brought you. This is a companion and you should never lose or sell it. Ever.

In the end, regardless of whichever watch you choose, make it situation appropriate. A watch doesn’t need to cost a small fortune to be stylish nor does it need to be big enough to weigh down your arm. Recent watch trends move toward the slimmer side of things with a touch of vintage design thrown in for good measure. Some of these principals will apply to ladies Watches as well but I can’t speak to this personally. Regardless of gender, all a Watch needs to do is express your sense of style and purpose.

Sincerely,

The PNH

100% Must-Haves in Your Carry-On Personal Bag

Getting on a plane is stressful enough right? You’ve got luggage, you’ve got people, you may even have animals (looking at you emotional support pig). Having the right things in your carry-on personal item will help. For our sakes, I won’t mention jackets, pants or medication as those are pretty personal choices.

For our purposes here, we’re going to play a game of “What will I need” and keep in mind that all you have is a backpack/duffle or big purse. No reaching into the overhead compartment for spare stuff and you can’t go down into the cargo hold because well, that’s cheating. Now let’s see whose the most comfortable on our flight to the Island of Nowhere.

In Situation #1, you’ve gotten to your seat and realize A, your child or travel companion has forgotten their Noise-Cancelling Headphones and B, you only have yours to lend. What do you do in this case? Especially if your companion is making a fuss? Why you’d be nice and lend them yours! So with a smile, you lend them your lovely Sony or Bang & Olufsen (sorry Bose, not a fan) headphones. In this case, what do you need?

So in Situation #1, it pays to not only have Noise-Cancelling earphones or headphones but spare earplugs as well. The earplugs can also be used if/and when your headphones may die, or if your travel companion happens to snore like a freight train. It may also help you block out the noise of that screaming toddler someone brought onto the flight. Not the toddlers’ fault, air pressure sucks up there, isn’t that why you have those special headphones in the first place?

Here for Situation #2, we have something of personal preference. I, generally, do not drink water from the flight attendants cart unless it comes from a bottle. The water that comes onto the plane to use for coffee or tea, isn’t always safely stored. They can come from giant tanks miles away, stored in all manner of conditions, and aren’t always checked. You’re likely safer at a larger international airport but why take the risk? So What do you want in your bag in this case?

For Situation #2, I use a collapsible bottle or hydration bladder and fill that all the way up after security. Yes, buying water at the airport can be expensive, but you do have the option of the water fountain water too. That bloated feeling most of us get on the plane? Too much salt in the food, not enough water, too much sitting.

In Situation #3, we have a dietary restriction. Increasingly, people have food allergies or food preferences (looking at you vegan folks). If the airline doesn’t have a meal option to your preference, you’ve got to be prepared. What if the airline changed their menu or they’ve not posted one at all. What can you do?

Much of Situation #3, we’re talking about smart prepping. If you suspect that the meal on the plane isn’t going to go your way, get a meal to go at the airport. Buy a sandwich and save it for the plane. Bring it in a flexible cooler bag and store it with 2 of those ice cold bottles of water I hope you bought so it stays cold. Can’t do that? Vegan Snack Bars. Those are a real thing. DO NOT bring a to go bag from a restaurant and ask the flight attendant to reheat it, it will not go well.

In Situation #4, you’re planning to head right off the plane and go attend a meeting, a wedding, a child’s musical performance, and you know those photos will last a lifetime. After all, the internet is forever. How do you think celebrities look so great getting off a plane(Besides, you know, personal make up artists, trainers, a ton of staff on that private jet)?

Situation #4, is actually pretty similar to situation 2 in that you need to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. No, your water intake does not do it all. I’m talking about skin moisturizer, even for the men in the room, yes you too. They make travel size packaging from most major skin care brands. They cater to the idea of looking good all the time, including getting off planes. So go get that chap stick, that eye cream, that face cream. You’ll feel 10x better getting off that long haul flight.

For Situation #5, you’ve got this long flight and have a ton of plans upon landing. You’ll want to look your best, get the most out of your day and do amazing things on this trip right? You’re done with the in flight entertainment, they’re turning the lights down and you’ve got a solid 8 hours with nothing to do. So what do you need?

If you guessed Sleep for Situation #5, you’d be right! So bring on the eye masks, the fuzzy pillows, the compression socks, and the extra pack-able jacket. I personally don’t need an eye mask, pillow or socks but a jacket with a deep hood will work wonders to keep warm air in and bright light out. Remember that moisturizer? Apply selected routine upon waking up.

In Situation# 6, you’ve landed, you’re exhausted but hopefully well fed and watered. You’re in a foreign country going through customs. What do you need? Take 3 guesses and the first 2 don’t count.

So for Situation #6, you need a Passport! There have been stories over the years, of happy go lucky passengers shoving their entire personal bag into their Check-In bag so they don’t carry anything until baggage claim. This is great except that they’ve now lost sight of their Passport, a dangerous thing to begin with, and won’t have access to it when they go through customs. It usually dawns on people’s minds when they have to fill out a customs declaration form that they need to know their Passport number, which is now unfortunately locked below them and out of reach. Cue the ensuing panicked call for the flight attendant.

Bonus Situation #1 for all of us germaphobes.

Germs are often an afterthought for some people on the plane. No, I don’t mean just the air you breathe but the surfaces you touch. It’s been reported that remotes, tray tables, and touch screens have some of the most germs on them in the plane so I’d suggest wiping down all of these surfaces before you’ve buckled in for the flight. Even if the crew has already done this beforehand, doing it yourself might give you great peace of mind too. I do wear a mask, even if it draws looks. It has a filter too!

Bonus Situation #2, pack a gift for the flight attendants.

I’d say a small gift like sealed candy or chocolate goes a long way. If you’re spending 3 plus hours on a flight, I’d generally suggest giving more than just a polite smile when you board the plane. If you’re feeling generous or on a long haul flight, a Starbucks gift card would not be out of the question either. The objective is to keep the people helping you during your flight as happy as possible. Any left over gift cards can be used on yourself too!

Sincerely,

The PNH